The following process is useful for effectively
managing conflict in your workplace, in relationships, or in other situations
where you have an interest in seeking a negotiated solution. These steps won't
guarantee an agreement, but they greatly improve the likelihood that the
problems can be understood, solutions explored, and consideration of the
advantages of a negotiated agreement can occur within a relatively constructive
environment. They provide useful strategies to consider that reduce the impacts
of stress, fears and "surprise" factors involved in dealing with
conflict.
1.
"Know
Thyself" and Take Care of Self
o
Understand your
"perceptual filters," biases, triggers
o
Create a personally
affirming environment (eat, sleep, exercise)
2.
Clarify
Personal Needs Threatened by the Dispute
o
Substantive, Procedural,
and Psychological Needs
o
Identify "Desired
Outcomes" from a Negotiated Process
3.
Identify a
Safe Place for Negotiation
o
Appropriate Space for
Discussion/Private and Neutral
o
Mutual Consent to
Negotiate/Appropriate Time
o
Role of Support People
(Facilitators, Mediators, Advocates), as needed
o
Agreement to Ground
rules
4.
Take a
Listening Stance into the Interaction
o
"Seek first to
understand, then to be understood" (Covey)
o
Use Active Listening
skills
5.
Assert Your
Needs Clearly and Specifically
o
Use
"I-messages" as tools for clarification
o
Build from what you have
heard - continue to listen well
6.
Approach
Problem-Solving with Flexibility
o
Identify Issues Clearly
and Concisely
o
Generate Options
(Brainstorm), While Deferring Judgment
o
Be open to
"tangents" and other problem definitions
o
Clarify Criteria for
Decision-Making
7.
Manage
Impasse with Calm, Patience, and Respect
o
Clarify Feelings
o
Focus on Underlying
Needs, Interests, and Concerns
o
Take a structured break,
as needed
8.
Build an
Agreement that Works
o
Review
"Hallmarks" of a Good Agreement
o
Implement and Evaluate -
Live and Learn